3.26.2003

"Strange, thought I knew you well."

As I child, I never shut-up. I never stopped moving. I was always busy, occupied, restless, and looking for a new challenge. (From the stories my family tells me, I was probably some doctor's motivation for Riddlin.) If someone would have told me I'd grow up differently, I probably wouldn't have believed them. Now, I have a hard time believing I ever was such a girl. Somewhere, I crossed a line and never knew it. No one warned me of it either. I didn't see a chalky line and decide I boldly jump over it. I never walked it like a balance beam to feel both sides with my feet first. I don't remember tripping on it. Perhaps it wasn't a line after all. Maybe it was something more like a spectrum, and I'm walking to the other side of it. That seems to make more sense considering I've been so oblivious to my own change. I thought most people caught glimpses of themselves and had to make strong aversions in order to alter their make up. And here I am on the other end wondering how I got here. If I walked to this point, is there any way I could walk back? A few steps? Maybe to the middle? I'm not asking to turn back the clocks or anything. I would like the walk backwards to be subconscious though. Now that is probably asking for too much.

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