The "Kutch"

Ashton Kutcher has been directing his own show on MTV called Punk'd. He is quickly winning my heart in a myriad of ways, though mainly through uncontrollable laughter. I'm nearly ready to propose marriage.* He was featured in my Cosmo magazine as well. I shall leave you (my imaginary audience) with his list of "what every chick should know about guys..."

(1) You never have to ask a man if he wants sex. He always wants sex. Always.
(2) When a man is watching the game, don't start talking uless it directly pertains to the game or you want to have sex.
(3) A man always wants to protect you. Say 'I feel like nothing could harm me when I'm with you.' And if you're ever in a threatening spot, after all is said and done, tell him you weren't scared because you were with him.
(4) If he says he's paying the bill, let him. Don't argue. It makes him feel like less of a man. Oh, and that sex thing applies anywhere--in the car, at a restaurant...just want to be sure you don't forget rule number one.
(5) Last, but not least, never talk about your ex-boyfriend in front of him unless you are directly bashing your ex. Just don't do it. If you're telling a story and he's involved, refer to him as 'this guy' and make it sound like it was 10 years ago.

I couldn't agree with him more.

*Johnny Knoxville would be my number one; however, I cannot recover from seeing the episode of Jackass where he stood over a porta-potty and had it turned upside down, drenching him in human waste.