What Happens When You Ask a Reno for Computer Help

"I have a problem, and I need your help, but I need you to be nice--"
"What?"
"Because this is typically where you get really short and annoyed with the person."
"Go ahead."
"Okay, in my spreadsheet, I added a new column for the new loan numbers, and for some reason, it keeps leaving it off."
"Where's the column on the spreadsheet?"
"It's on the left side. I don't know what to do. I've never seen it default this way."
"Try to set the print area. I bet that's what it is."
"Okay, what do I do? Just 'select print area?' Okay, it didn't do anything."
"No, you need to highlight what you want to print first, and then you have to 'select print area.'"
"Hmm."
"What happened?"
"Yeah, now it's only showing that one column."
"Did you highlight the whole thing or just that one column?"
"Oh, I just did that one column."
Huge sigh. "Yeah, you are so much like my mother."
"Shut up! I know what that means. I thought you meant I was supposed to highlight what I wanted to add. Sheez."
"If I meant that, then I would have said to highlight which column(s) you need to add."
"You are so much like your father. I prefaced this whole thing with a request for you to be patient and nice."
"Yeah, but I'm never patient. I can't just fake that. And I was nice. I can't help that you can't understand English."
"Okay, there you go again. You're calling me an idiot. You would so not put up with this kind of treatment, and you know it. This is exactly how your dad treats you, and you get so upset."
"I'm fully aware (laughing), but I did help you."
"Yes, I know, silver lining."
"And then I had to spend five more minutes listening to you complain about how mean I am."
"Yes, I know, but you are mean."
"I cannot help it."
"I should have just hand written all the loan numbers than face this."
"It wasn't that bad."
"It was!"
"Was not. Stop being so dramatic."
Sigh. "Thank you."
"You're welcome."

And as Ellen DeGeneres would say, back to the loving place.