Merry Friggin' Christmas

So, I ordered this gift for a good friend that just moved to Texas. I had it all planned out quite some time ago. I had even carefully narrowed down when his family would be with him so that this gift would arrive, and they could all delight in its goodness. I ordered the gift via the internet, and quickly realized I somehow managed to not only ship the item too early, but I ended up shipping it to myself. The only good news was that the items are not shipped for three days. Therefore, I called the next morning to cancel the order. Since the Lazy English Speaker [LEP] didn't seem enthusiastic about the cancel, I offered to amend the order instead. I told LEP the address and the date I needed the item to arrive. She had to put me on extended holds to speak with her supervisor. Two days later, I received one of those e-mails saying my order had shipped...five days early. And my mister was now a "Ms" with a vital part of his address missing and a six-digit zip code. So, I called back. LEP transferred me to Half-Wit-No-Personalty-Customer Service Representative [HWNPCSR], who answered the phone with no idea what had already transpired. Even though I had an email saying my order was shipped, she said it hadn't. (I didn't believe her.) She made the corrections to the address & confirmed my order wasn't going to ship until specified date. Last night I got another e-mail saying my order was shipped (the appropriate date)...to MYSELF. I called HWNPCSR back. "Yes, it was shipped to you." Apparently, HWNPCSR did not remember conversation or me from four days ago. She offered to catch the package in transit to re-route it back to Texas. (Ya huh. That's gonna work.) She called the delivery service, and in order to do that, the package would arrive after Christmas. She makes no suggestion of sending out another order since it was THEIR MISTAKE. So, I come up with the brainy idea of sending out another package. She says, "Oh, okay. Yeah, I can do that and I'll send it 2-day. Let me put the order in and call you right back." Six hours later, I call back HWNPCSR. She doesn't remember our conversation or me. She repeats that the package can't make it before Christmas and asks me if I recall our conversation. "Yes," I say, "but you were going to send out another package and send it 2-day or something like that. Remember?" She replies, "Oh. Um, okay. Yeah, my phone is ringing. It's busy here. Uh, yeah, I can do that." I wait on the phone. "Um, it will get there on Christmas Eve if I send it 2-day." I tell her that, that isn't good enough, and that the package has to be there Monday or Tuesday by the absolute latest. She says, "Oh, well then I'll send it 1-day. It will get there Tuesday. Is that okay?" At this point, I wanted to pull that, "You are an idiot and have frustrated me to the point where I must bang the receiver on my desk extremely hard to keep from coming through this phone and wrapping my hands around your neck and expressing your ass on a one-way delivery to HELL!" So, instead, I said, "Okay, but remember that this is the FOURTH attempt to get this order done correctly. Please be sure that it is handled." She says, "Okay, Yes ma'am, I will." which totally means it's probably going to arrive at my house on Valentine's Day.