12.14.2005

Ice Princess, II

That post. It wasn't written in anger and it wasn't written to make anyone feel like shit. It was written because I sometimes grow weary of arguing about all the things that I'm not. My coworkers have told me that I'm high maintenance. I guess that's what they make of me. When we're sitting in a boardroom and someone says that I'm single and another inquires if she needs to be on the "lookout" for a boy, another one retorts that he needs to be "rich guy." There is just a huge part of me that wants to scream out at that. Why would I even care about money? I care more that he can take care of himself than he can take care of me. I hate that people will judge how I spend my money and tell me that when I get married, boy there will be a stop to that. When I tell someone that this guy I talk to is really cute, genius-type smart, and has been in prison, I get, "Well, there won't be any Acuras in your future going after something like that."

I thought that I came from a different generation. One that was more open minded and tolerant of different spirits. That just because I drive a nice car, doesn't mean that I want to marry a banker. Just because my shoes are expensive, doesn't mean I am high maintenance. I cannot get over what people assume about me. It baffles me sometimes. They are just so far off.

Maybe that is why I am usually so enamored with people who are different. I am usually drawn to the outcast, the different one that nobody talks to in class, the quiet guy, the badass. They make me curious. In all honesty, I've never been disappointed with them. I've always liked the way that they look at life. Different, not cookie-cutter. I see more beauty in them than the world apparently sees. I will judge you for how you shape your world, not how the world has shaped you.

I'm not your married-2.5 kids-$300,000-home-six-figure-salary girl. I need a little more substance and meaning than most. I need to know that you love me, and not because of what I can do for you. The same is true of you. I will love you for you. Not because of your salary or what car you drive.

And dear boys. Money is not everything. My god, I wish you would learn that. Ambition isn't either. When you work your ass off for forty or fifty years, you won't look back and think, "I wish I would have worked a little bit harder." Stop telling everyone what you make too. If you need that kind of approval, it screams that you are insecure. Do you honestly want someone to like you for that? Or do you want to know that she likes you because there isn't an ounce of her being that isn't madly in love with you?

I once dated a guy who, on the second go around, started to interview me. "If I go golfing for a weekend, can you handle that?" He continued from there, which meant I should have just kicked his ass down the hill where he was going with this line of questioning.

Wake up world. Marriage isn't what can you do for me. It's not about your 401k and it's not about if your wife will let you hunt on the weekends. Women, it's not about the size diamond on your hand either. My god. If it means that fucking much to you, just buy it yourself.

Don't tell me that Hollywood is the only place left believing in love. I don't buy it for a second. I just think that sometimes we need to stop and think about what matters in life. It's too short to focus on a gem and animal game.

Love what you love, and love it completely. Cherish and nurture it. Expect it to be faulty, and love it for its difference. Just be true. That's all I'm asking.

1 Comments:

Blogger PB said...

Compelling and thought-provoking post, site, voice. While it would be preposterous to characterize you by what you write here, I do admire your intelligence and your no-nonsense, head-strong persona.

I'm glad I stumbled upon you; I've never met anyone who claims to be "infatuated with diction." There are worse fates, I suppose.

5:15 PM  

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