5.04.2006

Truly Touched

I fell in love with the concept of a blog when I met Mary Forrest. I found her site by googling "fonts" of all things on the web, and she had a list of places to go to find freeware (fonts that you can download and use for free). I started reading her blog some time in probably 2002. I wrote to her, and she quickly responded, and it was like I had gotten an email from God, herself. I was captivated by her language, her wit, and her creative talents. A lot of what she writes goes far beyond my head, but I have never gotten the sense that she is arrogant with her knowledge, but it is obvious that she was a precocious child.

I don't read a ton of blogs because I am not usually charmed by them. I get the sense that a lot of people just want to be "known," and I kind of find that writing to be empty. I don't necessarily want to read someone's online diary just so they can be famous. When I started my blog, I didn't tell a soul for probably a few years. I kept it just like a diary, with the slight fear that someone could still be reading what I wrote. I have always had countless journals, and then hung my head in shame because I wouldn't continue to write in them. I struggled with this process over and over again. If you are at all a perfectionist, you can possibly understand that writing can be cumbersome. There is no cutting and pasting, no delete button, or backspace key. Your errors are kind of frozen on the page, and even with the help of Liquid PaperĀ®, the mistake is still noticeable.

All this to say, there aren't too many blogs that I follow religiously, but Mary Forrest is one of them. She wrote this post the other day:

"I have this faint memory of a phone call and a sinking feeling. Of suspicion and fear. And impatience and resentment. I remember arguing about bottles of wine and who they belonged to. I remember not really being angry about the wine. The wine was a scapegoat. It lives out in the desert now. Never to return.

You come into a person's life where you come in. There's no changing it. You know them when you know them, where they are and when they are. You know what there is. And when more is added, and when more is stripped away, you continue to know the shadow of what was there. Paper doll fashions leave their silhouettes. You learn the absence of the image better than the presence of it. The absence persists.

Even longing begets focus. Even the kind that promotes flailing and frenzy. But this other thing. It's like a problem with my eyes. I can't seem to just look at one thing for even a second. I am everywhere and all over the place. And all the while, I'm nowhere. I ceased to exist some time ago. No matter how much space I take up.

Died in the church and was buried along with her name. Nobody came."

So, so beautiful, I just couldn't help but put it here.

14 Comments:

Blogger albert said...

Hey,

This white base is 'different' but, it's pretty cool to see a change every now & then.

How's Mr. Smeagol?

2:04 AM  
Blogger Jeni said...

I had a pale green, but it doesn't look good with the photography. I want a gradient background, but I'm not geeky enough to figure out how to to it.

"Smeagols" is doing just fine. He is, apparently, extra loving now. He sleeps directly on top of me, even though it's practically summer out, and he head butts everything that he can.

8:17 AM  
Blogger albert said...

Ok, ok.. I want to be honest.

I like the previous 'black' base better. (it translates to 'I want to see it the way it was, Thank you').

Say hello to Mr. "Smeagols" for me.

1:19 PM  
Blogger Jeni said...

Yeah, I do too. :( I'm gonna keep this one for awhile though.

P.S. What are you doing up so LATE?

2:59 PM  
Blogger albert said...

Jeni,

It's harder to read your blog now... lol. To think, White wasn't that bad. ;)

I'm usualy awake when everyone's are sleeping. Since I don't have to report to any work, I can utilize this chance to 'work' on myself.

Starting next month, I'm going to to be in a new phase.

Hope you're enjoying your life in ATL.

albert.

12:19 AM  
Blogger Jeni said...

Harder with the silver background? Really?

It looks good on my screen.

5:53 AM  
Blogger albert said...

Jen,

Since you're trying different colors on yours, I've changed mine to what I originally wanted. hehe

Hope you don't mind.

6:41 PM  
Blogger Jeni said...

Yeah, I really do/did. Read that I HATE to be copied in any manner. Coveted, perfectly okay. Copied, one of the worst transgressions.

Hence the reason I am trying to break away. I just can't learn enough coding, but I did figure out some issues with what you were seeing on your screen versus what I was seeing on a (two different) Mac screen(s). Pretty interesting.

But anyway, it's an irrational annoyance that I just have to deal with.

7:03 PM  
Blogger albert said...

Wow. Jeni Reno expressing...

As I consider myself to be the person of my ow originality, and understanding that I do not have to 'copy' someone else's image to develop my own, I would like to say that you do have a great tastes to 'envy' for...

Finally. I do not hate your decision to change your blog's image, and I appreciate the fact that you let me 'copy' the image you've created.

4:38 AM  
Blogger Jeni said...

I didn't "let" you do anything. Don't you realize I always tell you "No!"

I'll deliver an ass kicking when I come back home.

And to think you worried that I would make my car ghetto.

8:12 AM  
Blogger albert said...

Damn it.

I regret not taking pictures of those "Door Edge Guards," it could've been my huge advantage..

2:20 PM  
Blogger Jeni said...

You can so not hold that over my head. I was unware of what you guys had and when I asked for it at the DEALERSHIP, you said, WE DON'T SELL IT even though the website said you did. So, suck it!

3:26 PM  
Blogger albert said...

Smiling.

6:23 PM  
Anonymous Andrew said...

Jeni,

Hey. How is Atlanta treating you? Not many posts since your move which must mean you are SO BUSY with your new life in your new town OR that you don't have your internet connection...or maybe both?

I really enjoyed the paragraph you excerpted from Mary's blog about how you meet someone when you meet them...I think there is something to that line of thinking. But at the same time, it's also true that sometimes you meet people, have a first impression, and then after you become friends, it's interesting to think back about how what you initially thought was so wrong or so different from what they are actually like.

This should probably have gone in an e-mail and not a post but this was quicker...you got any ideas for an easy game you could play outside in a work type setting with a cowboy theme? This is my task...I have a month.

Hope you are well. Write me!

--Andrew

11:47 PM  

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