Yeah, Um,

Hey ex. Walmart called me to let you know that your contacts are in. You might want to think about updating that contact (no pun intended) information, seeing how it's been a few years since I even knew what state you resided in. And to think when they said your name, it actually took my brain a few seconds to recognize who you were. I thought, "Steven who?"

I'm Having a Ross Gellar Moment

And no, not because I'm in the middle of third marriage or divorce...I've been bleaching my teeth for the wedding and tanning simultaneously. My fangs are seriously bordering on glowing in the dark. And all I can think is my strips run out in three days, and I would swear on my pet's grave that the day you stop using them, they turn back to yellow. So, we all know that I'm going to break out another pack, and that means I should be blinding the astronauts, right?

Why I Kind of Like, Already Love Him

Talking with my best friend's groom:

"Hey, this is non-work related, and don't tell Tara."
"Okaaaaay."
"Have you booked your honeymoon?"
"Yeah. Why?"
"I need the dates and times, and where you guys are staying and everything."
"Okaaaaay. You want the room number, too?"
"Ohhhh, yeah. Can I?"
"What do you want it for?"
"So I can call and be all, "What are you doing?...What about now?...Okay, how about now?"
He laughs. "So, do you really want it?"
"Yeah, like if you really know it."