"Yes...No...Maybe...I Don't Know"

I just returned home from going out with a girlfriend. When I walked in, my mother says, "I have to talk to you," which in my high school years would have turned my stomach with my thought pattern being something like, "Oh God. What does she know?"

My car is currently for sale. This morning we took the car and left it in a parking lot. So, she says to me, "I cannot find your keys. I have looked everywhere. I have combed through both cars, my purse, everywhere. I just don't know where they could be." As she says this to me, she has the stance of a child with a sad look of complete frustration and disappointment mixed with an expectation of a tongue-lashing. All I can do is jokingly grill her, though I am holding back laughter the whole time. As we discuss slim possibilities, she decides to go scout the driveway because I dropped her off at the end of it this morning. She comes back and says, "It looks like I ran over them. I am so, so sorry. I can't believe I did that. But they still work."

To add insult to injury, I spy a YELLOW SMILEY FACE balloon in my car. I said, "Oh my God. What the hell is that?" She says to me, "We're going to get this car noticed. I bought a big bow, too," as she whips it out of the back seat, holding it over the windshield, Vanna White style. I am reminded of my childhood. There is an instant fear that everyone will drive by that car and say, "Dude, that's Jeni Reno's car. Oh my God. How gay is that?" My face contorts in horror, and then all I can do is laugh at her utter excitement.

Before she goes to bed, she leans over me and apologizes again about the keys. I tell her that there is a good chance that I was actually the one that ran over them. She says, "No, I think the truck would have just demolished them." I retort with, "Yeah, but what about the new car." She mulls it over and says, "But we used the other side of the driveway, didn't we?" I say, "Yes, when I left, but I came home the other way."

She thinks for a second and says, "No, you didn't. Did you? I'm confused. Wait." There is more frustration on her face. I pat her cheek and tell her to just go to bed.

It's hard watching my mother age. Within the past year, she has had an increasingly difficult time communicating with anyone. My father and I have to fill in gaps for her. It kind of takes two people tag teaming to understand what she is trying to explain. We laugh about it, but I know that it really frustrates her. She has recently started taking a new hormone but can only take it for the first few days out of the month. On those days, when she has her hormone, she is like the mother that I have always known.

I don't know how long I will get to keep her, but I'd gladly take her either way.

Coolest wine tower I've ever seen.

Happy Turkey Day

My (Accidental) Imitation of Rose from Titantic

This is Different Than the Fresh Reese's Test

My co-workers are so damn nice. They won't ever agree me. When I blatantly screw up something, and I tell them so, they try to convince me that it's not screwed up. Like when I tell them that the fudge I made is way overcooked, and we should throw it out, they start digging into it like a sale table at the department store telling me how great it is.

This Situation is This

Because I had some work done on my teeth this year, I opted to have money taken from my paycheck. The reason people elect this option is that you circumvent paying taxes; however, there is the danger that should you lose your job or quit, you forfeit that money.

While I calculated paying on my dental work all year, I ended up paying off the balance some time around August. So, I have about a thousand dollars left. If I do not spend it on something medical, I lose it. The only thing I really have left to do this is year is my eye exam. I looked at my insurance and found that you can mail order contacts, which I have never done. But then. Then, I found THIS JEWEL. And OMG, I'm so ordering some of these.


Who wouldn't want to look deep into those eyes?

I totally have my eye (pun intended) on the two pair from Interview with a Vampire. Then again, I like the Magma pair because I would get to say "magma" like Dr. Evil in Austin Powers, and that just makes me laugh. I also think it would be cool to have Rock Star eyes or maybe just all black. Hmmm. So many options.

A Revelation (That I Don't Agree With)

I was at lunch with my coworkers today and discussing someone that I thought was very cute. One of my coworkers asked if the boy looked criminal, and the other replied, "Yes, that's her type."

I said, "Criminal? Where did you get that from?" She said, "That is totally what you go for."

I think they are just disgusted with the fact that I find tattoos a little appealing. They can be daunting, I am the first to admit, but damn.

This really just makes me laugh. I like people that are different. I remember being totally smitten with this boy in honors English in high school. He had bright red hair that he always kept long, porcelain skin, and blue eyes. He was a genius that could write poetry and draw and discuss any topic with artless intelligence. He had a hippy nature about him, and I recall him bringing me acid once. I had this obsession with wanting to see it. He sat in front of me because of our last names. I knew that he had developed a crush on me, and I pretended to be ignorant of it. Secretly, I totally wanted him. I just assumed that we were so different and everyone at school would ask why on earth we were interested in each other. Being the private person that I was, I just don't think I could have handled the interest in my affairs.

I still think about him from time to time. I wonder what he does now and where he lives. My high school reunion is next year, but I kind of doubt that he would go. Part of me would want to be in a corner with him talking the night away; however, sometimes the excitement that I imagine in seeing people is quickly squished when they just look at you and say, "hey" as they walk by, which is probably what would happen to me.

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My love for modern decor will never die.

I've Been Sucked In, and I'm Okay with It


Vortx Bar & Grill







This dive is often labled as a "biker bar," but it is far more cooler than that. I have been totally in love with this place for about three or so years. I fell for the skull doorway, and this past weekend I fell in love with the Black & Savory Burger, which I ate twice.

Too Much Info: I sat up in the middle of night trying to get a decent burp up, which nearly caused me to throw up. As soon as I let it out, I declared it in the name of the sarcred burger. My friend said, "Oh mercy. That smells horrible. Oh, I think it's hovering. It's left a cloud." And all I could do was cackle, which is typical when I cause others' discomfort of any sort.

I Call This One, A Reason to Reconsider Your Marriage



Peanut Butter and Chocolate icing, and I invented it.